that was valentines day

Valentines Showers pt 1 + 2

Smoke forks and rolls across the room
To the sounds of the new romance
And I am a liar and a king
King of pain but I can hide it away
Smoke cigarettes
A pack a day
Just say hey, hey, hey
Stop me in my tracks
If you’ve got something to say
Hey, hey, hey
Well there are all the photographs
Memories and scars
You can count them in years
You can count by the deminishing cards
Well don’t be sad
The day is almost over
Don’t be sad
Slept away an afternoon
And a new day has begun
(Courdaroy forever
Old records
New hairstyle
Watch the ladies
Roam these streets forever
Drive all night long
Until your mind is gone
Go ahead
Cry in the rain
No one can see
Unfinished thoughts
Unused portfolios
Faded dreams
Ripped up jeans
Can’t lie forever
Won’t live forever
I need the smell of summer
I need your poison dream)

Valentines Showers pt.  3

Oh, cloudy day
Bring the rain
Bring the life giving day
Hell forsake the lonely
And heaven pour down acid rain
Bear traps
And pieces of steeples
Naked beaches
lighthouse fading
Crash the ship
Into the rocks
We never stood a chance
Gave it all we got
Who bailed the love?
You’re dreams are over
Cut open foerver
Dissections
Medications
Clean up so well
No one will know
No one can ever tell
I love you darling
I love you darling
I miss you darling
I don’t know you darling
And honey
I never knew your name
Everyone makes mistakes
We all try to stay the same
Same cool
Same okay
Same life every god damn day
But we need change
Oh baby we need a change
If you would just fly down
From the heavens to m y heart
Wrap your soul around my arms
Just speak to me
Tell me your name

movements

Behind my eyes
My brain is
A super computer
There is no code
Images smells
Tastes and sounds
Catalogged in tiny files
In rows
In this large cave
Surrounded by purple haze
And we dance in purple rain

But is a skull
A prison for your soul?
Why are we traped
In these calcium walls
To the confines of our minds
All the while
Arguments arise
Outside my prison bars

Mushrooms growing in boxes
Closet doors inviting
The darkness turns to purple
Picture of a clock on the wall
A fence in the hallway
Makes no sense at all
In a victorian home
He shouted!
He said
He could feel it in his head

The phone rang
But no one was there
The message recieved
Where is that?
The reply was sent
It’s not a place!
It is spice
Copious amounts
For experience
I see he said
And he did not understand

So we went for a drive
Breathe in fresh air
Hah, I scoff
Smoke soothes
Our dying lungs
As the day begun
Without nearly as much fun
As e had hoped
When we were young

And when I awake
It is truly a new day
But my head feels swamped
I still feel the same
I dreamed such dreamy dreams
And I got lost in my sleep
No phone call could pull me out
I just can’t wrap my head around
This reality
While I know
I am still the real me

bronchiatus and spring rolls

Liquid C./Spillage

Coughing up solid
Paint walls yellow
Paint the barn red
Take this city down
Burn it to the ground
You’re heart stops without a sound
And I was there
To lie to the authorities
And I held your hand
Until you said don’t leave
Don’t leave
But I closed the door
Hit your thumb
Made it sore
You woke up with chills
In a cold sweet
You ain’t dead yet
Down the pepsi
Injest the coke
Take your medicine
Laugh as it were a joke
With a sickly smile
An enormous pile
Of misconstrued misproportions
A delight to have such a fright
In the middle of the day you call night
I guess you ain’t gon’ care
No we got no money
Yes we got the money
If your giving us what we want
ANd we’ve got all you need
If you are looking for some
Twisted fun
Baked and staring at the sun
Everyone knows the meaning
They don’t know shit
We wrote 12 page manifestos
Then we buried them
Hell no I won’t go
Hell no we won’t go
Underground
Where the underdogs hang around
In the city of shitty
Down and out of the gutter
Dirty with leaves and water
Run that tap water
Until it’s clean
We’re overrated and we know it
A broken down machine
The flight decks worn
Whiney boy lost his horn
And I heard screaming
I’m trying, I’m trying
I replied ithout a grimace
Telling all the dying nothing
No one was listening
Voice behind me sings
You’re flying
You’re frying
Keep trying
You’re only getting high

Warning (The Good Drugs)

If you try it
You might like it
And if you like it
You might try it again
And if you have a good time
You may become addicted
You may be nicer to your friends
You may regain your appetite
That you lost when you and your fat step mother
Got into a food fight
If you try it
You’ll never know
Unless you try it
And if you try it
You might like it
And if you like it
You might not fight it
You’ll forget to hide it
And maybe other people will like you this way too
You’ll never kow
Where peer pressure can make you go
You never know
If you try it
You may not like it
And if you don’t like it
You may not be human
At least you don’t look human to me
For all I can see
Is brightened
Changing
Superficially
And if you don’t like it
You may be a square
And if you grow old and fat
Like your big bad step mother
You might be closer to a sphere
But either way you are out of the scene
Either way you are not a rock’n'roll star
You ain’t no art star
Your a square, a circle, a triangle
And I’m a pile of mud
Flausphorescent
Filled with fluids and love
Maybe I see bugs
I chose the good good drugs

Pick-Parketing

Circle circle circle in the parking lot
Shave your head on pavement
Lick the concrete sidewalks
Yellow lines so many yellow lines
You’re not out of your mind
You’re not out of your mind
You’re doing just fine
Circle circle circle round the roundabout
Puke out the window without a sound
Burn the fire engine down
Break up sex without a sound
No one has to live it
We don’t have to be itIt’s something we just saw when
We were circle circle circling
Inside the anals of my mind
Was I the only one on the ride?

Mall Rat

Look at that
Whiney ass
Sappy fuck
Wanna be punk
Emo cunt
Thats what he said

Medication

He is unwell
He has fallen down a proverbail well
Fallen into a brooding personal hell
He is the last soul rebel
But he’s got soul doubt
Cigarettes burn away
But he breathes them anyway
Smoke is his comfort
He can’t eat
Nausia inside him
He needs medication
Doctors can’t fix the situation
They’re ain’t no text book definition
They can’t write a prescription
No, only a mother can give such medication
To battle the thralls of horrification
Mother intended no ramifications
This soul doubt’s just got to give
Somehow, someway, he just gots to live

Party Tonight

The streets are creeping
A fog hits our eyes
We are blind
It’s time for another party
So come on and hit me
For I can not see anything
My mind is foggy like a wet machine
Eat this up
You can cut it up
I’ve lost my mind
Listening to your voicemail
I can’t believe
That we’re all fine
Thats exactly hat they’d say
Hiding in the fog
They speak to you and me
Let’s party like the fog
In a wet machine
We are the fog
We own these streets
This city’s the machine
Its burning down
We’re on the ground
Hang around

re/flections // re/writing a history

Reflections: Re-writing A History

Re-written, unpublished and remixed works from a year in college and a year out.

“I just wonder if everyone really will wake up, look back, and realize their past mistakes really are mistakes. And laugh.”
-I found a torn piece of legal-pad paper with this written on it one morning on our balcony last summer. I’m not even exactly sure who wrote it.

Cuts (v2)

These young hands
Another year older
Another crack
Finger tips gone yellow
Cuts keep showing up
I don’t know how
I wake every morning to new cuts
Not all these scars fade
Even if not intended this way

Reflecting In A Pool Of Blood [Originaly Repeat, Repeat, Rerun]

A poem wriiten in red
Much like the blood
Which sight you’re not so fond of
Let it part from your body
Fall and scrape your knees
Darling the things you do
Show us how to get dirty
I swear I am fine
This time there will be no lies
Most these scars fade with time
But I still have a deep dark line
And our memories fade
Your arms are no longer around me
I feel relieved
I don’t have to bleed like you
So let me be what I am
And I will let you be
Anything
A lack of respect
A loss of love
Too much time
Too little sleep
So you bleed

Closed Doors [Originaly Best Friends Forever (Alone)]

Close the door
You’re not the first
I don’t know who you are
I can’t remember
Who you used to be
She told me I am not me anymore
I said keep your eyes open
You might not want to miss a thing
and time proves
We are nothing
When we only wish to be something
We need keys to unlock the doors
A skeleton key and a whore
Hope into your car
And let the engine roar
You’ll always be running

Man In A Black Seatshirt

There is a man
Standing in the rain
On Sixth and Main
Smoking a cigarette
And those around
Don’t know his name
He wears a look on his face
Reads, no regrets
Not yet
No one knows his story
But he looks quite pained
He’s trying to make a call
But no one is picking up the phone
He has no one to share his sorrow ith
So he stands soaking wet
Dripping and clearly depressed
Hoping life gets better than this
He looks ahead to me and says
“Right now, I am nothing.”

Ex-Girlfriend

It’s been so long
Since we talked
Since I’ve seen you
You were with another guy
I begged for you to stay with me
What a disgrace
When I invited you to the party
Said it’d be a good one
When the drinks where gone
I tried to make you stay
What a disgrace
I was never good
With my spoken words
So I thought I could push along
Without speaking at all
Lean in for a kiss
Forgot you are poisoness
Wish you had rejected me again
So I could have another drink
And a cigarette
Soon would be better to forget

Haze

I don’t want to know
So don’t call me
Don’t pretend we’re friends
She said I’m going fucking crazy
Or was that me?
Maybe that proves the point
I don’t want to go
So don’t wake me when you leave
They said I changed so much
But change is where we begin again

Storm is Coming

Black clouds in my mind
…
Sound the alarm
The storm is coming
The storm is coming
Black clouds fill the sky
Black clouds in my mind
…
The storm is coming
Sound the alarm
The storm is coming in

4:18 am

Dead Feet
Dead like the weight you carry
Far from the ordinary
As the sun begins to rise
I fall
Birds sing
You never call
Shine a light
Try to sleep
I can’t breathe
Birds are singing
I wish you didn’t
Soon enough
I will be floating again

Buying Static (v2)

You have no sense of time
Wake in the afternoon
Living for the ight life scene
Writing prophecies for the blind
Visually stimulated junkies
Generation touch, touch – go
I never lost touch with reality
I just let it go
This is not insanity
This is a new view
We have too much
Give me some of your touch, touch
I don’t mind – go
I’ll sho you everything
I’ll tell you anything
But you are too deaf, too blind

Sad City Winter Morning

The music died
It’s freezing outside
The sky is blooming
The cotton burns
It’s about time
‘Bout time to go inside
One last stale breath
Before I lay down
To kill some time

Untitled

Lay in makeshift bed
Mull over words said
No, not alright
Miss that bed
Fucked up
Buildings crumble
Call the parents
Four in the morning
How many times has this ship scraped the bottom?
Break down
Week after week
Too weak
Addicted to everything
Including them
Drive all night
To be alright
In my home
Fist fight after fist fight
With walls and doors
Can’t hurt yourself
More scars than years
You want the best
Wish for some rest
Falling
Hopeless
Dreamer eternally awake
The restless wonder
Can it mbe fixed?
You saw the worst
Will you wait for the best
(And we all know the answer
It wasn’t yes)

i should be sleeping, but somewhere else i am dreaming

Two Headed Girl (Pt. 2)

Two headed girl
I see you’ve got a head up in the heavens
And another down here
Tasting the treats of hell
You tell me your dreams
While you show me a pained face
Our intersecting lives are such a disgrace
I could not see whice face I kissed
In the dark it’s easier, so let this go
See with our hands and our mouths
Finding a part of you is still in the clouds
But you haven’t found heaven yet
Two headed girl
You move around from town to town
Your eyes are on me, the suicide king
At least to of them are…
Oh, two headed girl
Lick up the fruits of your labors
Spilled and spoiled in the streets
We’re aall having a good time in hell
Times are changing
And a surgery to remove the part of you that died
The part that would look me in the eyes
That was the day when the butterflies discontinued thier flight

Two Headed Girl (Pt. 3)

You sit in your hospital gon
Something different for once
This time theres only a hole for one head
Where your mind ill go crazy
And your sister will haunt me
Your brother is burrying things in my yard
Am I the only visitor so far?
You tell me of things
That you learned from her before she died
Pull out a deck of cards and you
Told me ’bout all my friends
Jack of Clubs
Sometimes people just forget
Jack of Spades
He’s working real hard
But no one is giving any recognition
You pull out a two of hearts
Say he’s stuck between
He can’t choose to stay or leave
And then there’s the King of Hearts
The suicide king
Just a man on a mission
Tryin’ to get remembered
And you said you want to kiss me again
I said I wasn’t sure of it
But you gave mme a hand
And I saw a tear
I turned my head, dodged my face in the mirror
Things could have worked find
But now there is a ghost that haunts me
You use your sisters body
I don’t know which one of you is alive anymore
You said you missher too
But thats when i walked out the door
I’m sorry but sometimes we’ve got to choose
What we don’t really want to lose
So I let you go
Didn’t see you at the funeral
Where’d you go?
I thought this was your home
But no, another town
Another memory fading
Soon you’d be somewhere new
Where they won’t speak of you as two

stories you may and may not have heard

People and places change, some remain the same; Some stories you may and may not have heard. (A sort of letter for long lost friends)
Crash Car City & A Fog Of War

We were riding high on airport road
Hugging turns, making time
Where we go, only the fog knows
I was by the river when I saw
Your pale white skin
Shimmiring like gold in the water
Your naked body floats unashamedly in the night
As I turn my head and take another drag
How could you do this to me?
Well peter, he got so high
He was wasted, picking at sores
Pale as you, he floats through
Still haunting this town
Yeah, much like you
Well Mark tried hard
Went to school to get where he’s headin’
And only the fog knows his direction
He flew off on his own
Didn’t want to follow us down the road
Came home in the afternoon
I woke up half-wasted and confused
His words hit my ear like a bitter tune
Twelve hours before
My partner in crime
he said the shits about to go down
He could feel it, could you feel it too?
And now We’re jobless
As the tables turn
Looking for gold under each paper unturned
Well, Stephanie she was a wonder
She said she cared about what the ghosts had done
She was a pretty little thing
Coming like a vagrant to our town
She slept like a baby
And I tossed and turned
She held my hand, said I drive her crazy
But now she’s living with three other men
Well, we all had choices
And we all just wanted to be happy
So we made our decisions
And now we are laying in the dark
Trying to figure out how to fix them
So I turn my head and look into the fog
Lights glow in the distance
And I can barely see the dotted lines
Craig is coming over
Chances are we’ll just sit and wait for Bud
Is your body still floatin’ in the river?
One could only hope
Thats what we say, yeah
But hope is a fierce game
And the players get tired
We trade teams
So here’s to the downfall
Yeah, the shits going down
Keep your head up strait
Don’t let them see the vacancy behind those eyes
While you conjure up your next set of lies
Let’s get out of here and go for a drive
High on 95

coming soon to an advertisment space near you

Poster design for Great Stalin’s Ghost! coming circa: tomorrow

She doesn’t care whether or not he’s an island.

Foggy as a wet machine.

FREE SHOW: Friday the 5th – 8:30 One World Cafe (Corner of Main and 6th)

p.s. looks like I’ll be iDJ-ing between sets

breakfast is a state of mind and a ever-shifting time

‘I realized these were all the snapshots which our children would look at someday with wonder, thinking their parents lived smooth, well-ordered, stabalized-within-the-photo lives and got up in the morning to walk proudly on the sidewalks of life, never dreaming the raggedy madness and riot of our actual lives, our actual night, the hell of it, the senseless nightmare of the road. All of it inside endless and beginningless emptiness. Pitiful forms of ignorance.’
-Jack Kerouac, On The Road (Part 3, Ch 1)

“We’re all pretty much the same, the only difference is the lies our parents told us.” – A close friend of mine

=====================================

As time flies by without us actually paying attention to its flight, the days and lessons I’ve learned have all melted and meld together to form a pool of ideas and thoughts into my aching head.

The garbage piles up, the party never stops, and the beat goes on.

I was sitting in the emergency room with one of my roommates two days ago. Waiting. You know, no matter where I am, no matter what time of day,t here is always a sense of waiting. I watched a girl come out and sit next to another girl with a Kappa Sig sweatshirt on. The girl looked as if she had been crying and never said a word to her Kappa Sig friend. She red from a book, holding her head up. Her gaze seemed distant, and it was obvious her mind was somewhere else. She was called back in before we left.

My roommate said to me as we left, “Everytime I’m here I see how there is always someone with a much bigger problem than me,” (or something of similar effect) and I was taken aback, because pretty much the same thought was rolling through my head, I said “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

That night my mind was going wild, I had the crazy eyes. But there was a moment when I felt IT. You know? Either you do or you don’t. Crow knew what I meant, Ern didn’t. It’s an intangible, unintellageble feeling… you’ll know when you have it. Won’t you? You can see where I all the crazieness came from… can’t you?

Saturday night we had friends over, per usual, and the loud-ass hick-boy’s from upstairs came to complain to us, at like 10? 10:30, maybe even 11, who the hell cares.. on a SATURDAY NIGHT for our music being too loud. Too loud! All day yesterday from above us Crow and I heard “THUMP! THWAP! THUD! THUNK!” for hours. They actually threatened us. Sorta. It’s hard to say. Anyway, the point is… fuck, do they know who I am? No. No they don’t. Anyway, I’m not worried about their threats (and I’ll let them know if they come down here again) cause my parents own this building fools!

How wonderful it would be if I had a hidden stash of money to pay the rent and the bills and put food in my belly! I would continue my path of non-labour, keep on trekking the paths of my mind, figuring out how this odd little machine works, filling it with music and inspiration and creating and dreaming and hoping and breathing! But alas, I need cigarettes and I need drugs and I nened more human interaction so I can meet women and become friends with like-minded individuals and take them out to coffee and invite them to shows and parties at our apartment and woe, behold, I do… life can not continue like this, it’s just not meant to be. I cannot be a bum, and I cannot be free, I can only be me, and I wil continue to be me, within the confines of daily life, let it be.

Caffiend Dreams

Went outside
Blinded by white
Smelled breakfast
As niebhors air out the kitchen
Conversations from above
Shadows in the hall
Down the coffee
Kill the cigarette
A morning not so young
Day seems half gone
But its barely begun
High off lack of sleep
Stoned sober
It’s another day
Dress in sunday best
Its the bestyour gonna get
Heat up more coffee
Liquid thought
Mind two far gone
Need a line
Pull back to reality
Fear you’ll throw me a noose
Life you see
Is the road
No warning signs
To tell you it’s a dead end
So they say
So they told me, my friend
Hours rack up
The music plays off
Water will run
Days just begun
I will drive you to madness
Take me to the bank
Throw all my assets in the lake
Swim in dollar signs
So much green
It’s got to get you high
All the time
The shadows keep moving
Dreams keep knocking
Afraid I’ll never wakeup
So I’m gon’ stay up
Drive you to nowhere
Turn up the radio
Lows will be low
Highs will be high
At least we got some place to go

A Song In My Head (Without Music)

The cracking and the bustling
The hustle and the flow
Why don’t you grab your coffee and go? go, go
‘Cause I can’t speak it to you
But I’ll sing it
Just so youu can know, know, no
So go home, home, home
‘Cause I can’t bare to tell you
That I can’t stand to see you as a staple of my home
So please just get out of Moscow
You’ll never have to know
That I don’t know
And I am ok with the fact that I may never know, no, no, no
So get your beer and leave my home
Because I can’t stand to see you all alone
Alone, lone, woe
And you know that I am alone
So why must you torture me with your pressence
Please leave Moscow
You’ll never have to know who I am
Or what I’ve done
Or what I may have said
To bring a rain down on all your fun
Maybe I’ve metyou
Maybe in another life
You may never know, woe, oh
No,no,no,no,no,no,no,no
So let the rain come down
It can’t be stopped
let the son come up
It can’t be stopped
Let your dreams go out
like a candle in the night
You don’t need to know
Know, no, no, know
Know I am the one who is whetting fingertips
To put out your little fire
So get out of your tent
Pack up your bags
Grab your coffee to go
Get out, get out of Moscow
This is my home, no,no,no
This is our home,no,no,no,oh,woe
You’ll never have to know
You’ll never have to know
You’ll never have to know
You’ll never have to know
You’ll never have to know

The Road Doesn’t Change, They Just Keep Adding Lanes

The moring is over
At least it is for me
I stood by the window
And I watched a girl
Scraping her windows
As she prepared to leave
It’s the same old story
It’s always the same old story
Every little pretty one
Is leaving the city
It’s not because of anything
Anyone like me said
It’s just time to move on
move on with our lives
Move away from all the lies
Maybe it’s just our time
our time to die
In all our glory
Go out with a bang
Before we grow up
And change
Yeah, right
We’ll probably always be the same

forever ever end over end

Where Goest Thou?

She said God is a woman
We should all boq down to
Instead we worship our mother
Mother earth is killing us ith time
‘Cause time is on her side
We travel the man-made roads
With no direction
Looking for our woman who is God
We’re all on this road
Visions in threes-
A shrouded traveler hitching
Always a town behind
He’ll catch up in his time
No direction…
We’re just battling the doldrums
And when the night comes
Our mother is sleeping
A madness gets into our hearts and heads
Only our God can tame us
Can she get to us before that dark traveler?
We just keep on
All of us on the road
No direction
Life is where we’re heading
Three children of the earth
Trying to decide something
In the middle of the night

Wake Up (Temporarily)

Well, I’m not sure what he as thinking
But he said what he had to say
He said to me
You know women lie
You know, you know
Tired and confused
You let it go
Tired and alone
Drift back to sleep

Lost In A Dreamsong

One day I awoke
To believe life is a dream
You’ve got to make the best of it
But then one day
You’ll still be awake
When the sun comes up
And you’ll be awake
When the sun goes down
Wondering when’s the time
When should I get get out of this town?
Oh, you know
I don’t, I don’t
We’ll never know if we got it right
We’ve got to believe
We can be anything at all
If only you try
But tonight I’m sure you’ll die
For the millionth time

Candy Nose

I’m just trying to relate
But I lost intrest
In most the human race
Well at least I try
I will keep on trying
I don’t want to let you
I don’t want to let you down
well I don’t give a damn
About international affairs
We’re running amok
There will never be an end to these wars
But what about this fight back home?
The struggle to get through our modern world
Hey, Candy, can you
Can you make it through?
Or will you melt away
Just like our nights into days
Well, Candy knows it’s a struggle
So I am told
Candy knows as much as I have told
But there is so much in here
I can’t stand to watch
As this race goes on without end
Between 6 am and 6 pm
I will hold a moritorium
For Candy doesn’t know
No, X does not know
About candy nose, no
And family, no, they don’t-
But I said all the right words
I told DS how special we were
But I guess thats how it goes
Hope in days I will be able to show
Something for this struggle
But a lack of memory
And a lack of taste
Will leave someone of them wondering
Just what it takes
We all hate to be alone
I wish I could compensate her lack of love
But it would only brew some kind of distaste
Leading me to worry
Oh, the future freaks us all out
I know that Candy is the only one
At least the only one to take hold recently
So scratch away question marks on the walls
waste away the day with nicoteen
And smoke circles the room like our drifting thoughts
Ticking away like madness
This could be as good as it gets
Candy, I miss you
Maybe it’s time to turn off the phone
Get lost in a dream
Say the words that scream
In the end we’ll never be alone
A fact I have come to believe in
Accidents happen and I am accident prone
So if Candy knows
Maybe there will be no more Candy Nose
And if family knows
Then maybe all the running
Means we have no where to go