We search and search
Roam the streets
Wait in the park
Throw a frisbee
Roam around town
Pick up some girls
Raise our hopes
But they could be trouble
The insanity is half the fun
It’s a mind fuck waiting to happen
See an old friend
Hear some good news
Talk of rumours
We’re just trying to live
Go out into the country
Good friends and good tunes
Good times waiting to happen
A boy past curfew
Some neibhors who are friendly
Invite us into their homes
Another friend calls
He gets off work
We manage our way ‘cross town
We hang out for hours
Play games
Watch cartoons
Good friends and good tunes
How could I drive home?
The sun is rising
A new day to fly
And I’m a plane crash waiting to happen
The clouds are pink
With shades or peach
My cigarette burns
Short drive home
Fall asleep on the couch
Need some water
Dehydrated
Getting happier every day
Ready to leave this shit town
I only wish I could bring you all with me
From my apartment they’ll hear
Wish you where here
Oh, how I wish, how I wish…

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.
- Kurt Vonnegut

The Smell Of Burning Dust

Everyone’s gotta make the journey
We’ve all got to go home some time
But I don’t want to stay, no
I’m done with your games, go
I may not be fuckin’ perfect
No, not like you
And I come home
Drive my car
Smell the burning dust
And I am ready to leave now
This isn’t my home anymore
I’m ready to go
So, goodbye
Sorry to leave under these terms
But my time you haven’t earned
And I ain’t givin’ it up no more
Then the storm came
Wearing shorts out in the rain
And the thunder howled
The sky lit up
And I could see for miles
Ready to wake there
Ready to leave here
Need another try now
Leaving this town
So goodbye blue sky’s
Golden fields
And mosquito bites
Drown me in the cleansing rain
Don’t care if I never see snow again
All I need is a pick me up
But you threw me down
Now I am out

Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere.

-G. K. Chesterton

Seven Hates You So Much

Wind blows through
My window into
My parents home
I don’t live here anymore
And I’ve got a month
Until I move
Portland here I come
But on destruction I run
Burning bridges
And blowing out roads
As I go
I’m sick and tired
Of this town
And it’s tricks
I’m tired all the shit
I get because I am young
And helpless
I’m hopeless
I’m an anarchist
And I’m being beaten down
By the cogs in the machine
They wear me down
With words like knives
I was hoping these last days
Would be some of the best times
Now I’m ready to leave early
Tired and lonely
No one left to call
I’ve got no one to comfort me
Alone in my old city
I havent left
But I am ready
I am so ready
Here comes another day
Ready for it to blow by
Like the passing storm outside
When you leave it will be goodbye
Goodbye
And when I am gone
I won’t sing
I will come back again
And now I wonder
Maybe?
Maybe, burning bridges too soon
They’re as tired of me as I am of you
So goodnight, farewell
Goodbye
I’m done living in my self created hell

Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Take One Every Hour Until You Die

I’ve got boxes
needing packing
I’ve got lungs
That are blackening
I’ve papers to fill out
And I’m not taking medication
like I should be
I wan’t the warmth
I miss the body next to me
I’ve got no physical attractions
So I better get packin’
I’m unchained
Unhindered
I have no need to stay here
I’m sorry my friends
but it all had to end
At least on my part
I know you’re rejoicing
and I’m still here
Might as well be already gone
It’s how you speak of me
When I am standing there
It’s not a friendly scene
You intend to tear until I crack
Pull me apart
Now I’m losing my mimnd
I’ve lost my friends
I’ve got some books and junk
In my possesion
Giving it away
Pawning the pain away
So I can live another day
Start a new life
For the third time
is it right?
I’m not sure
But I do know
That I am not fine
It’s not alright
But I don’t break
In front of your face
and I don’t run away to cry
Just wonder why
I really tried to be a good guy
Thats not enough in the world
Move west
Try again
All I can do is keep trying

When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint, something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about.

-Albert Einstein

Monkey, Monkey, Monkey

She said
Go your own way
She dissapeared
He said we’ll be friends
For years and years
And I say
Hey
I’m so afraid
Life’s not a game
But I play anyway
Afraid
To let down
Can I live up to the expectations?
Drown in critizism
Lie, lie, lie
Die…
Someday.

Against criticism a man can neither protest nor defend himself; he must act in spite of it, and then it will gradually yield to him.

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

 

 

 

 

 

Delete, Delete, Start Again

Write some words
Observe the meaning
Worry about whats heard
Hide the taming
Come one
Grow up
Come on
Throw up
I can press delete
When I don’t want to shed light
On my feelings
Contemplate
Then erase
You’re not worth this
I’m not worth it
Art school student
A bright futrue looks for me
And all I can see
Are the dark alleyways
Shortcuts I could take
But I won’t be worthless
Someday

 

 

 

 

 

 

Observe Everything.
Communicate Well.
Draw, Draw, Draw.

-Frank Thomas,

 

 

Every human being on this earth is born with a tragedy, and it isn’t original sin. He’s born with the tragedy that he has to grow up. That he has to leave the nest, the security, and go out to do battle. He has to lose everything that is lovely and fight for a new loveliness of his own making, and it’s a tragedy. A lot of people don’t have the courage to do it.

-Helen Hayes

 

Adventures abound
On the road again
No silence now
Time to say
Everything you think
No stoping now
…I’m Portland bound

…Here I Am Now (Night)
The moon is shining back at me
Across the sky it moves so slowly
I’ve got a song stuck in my head
And a dream in which was said
Head west…
Head west.
Alone I walk this street
Sky lit up by the cities
I’m ready to behave
So excited I’m afraid
Break.
I’m ready to get away from
Everything I’ve come to call home
My mother says let go of the bitterness
And I say
I need a break
Break.
Meditate.
I’m so tired of being lonely
If only you would have shown me
What it’s worth
And where I am going
Well, I don’t know
I’m homesick
But I want a new home
They are getting tired
Ready to push, me
And I could be on the streets
But now, ma, I choose responsibility
I’m so happy it makes me sick
My stomache is so twisted
My head aches
Up late
Can’t sleep
What does it take?
Break.
I’m moving on
Or is it to soon?
I’m making decisions by the full moon
And I am afraid
Am I ready?
I am willing
Feet off the ground
I hit the cieling
And I break.
Break.
Break away
Here I am now
Ready to get into this town
Goodbye wheatfields
And rolling hills
My stomaches realing
I am far from grieving
Maybe just fearing
Goodbye friends I’ll be seein’ you soon
Maybe not but I hope to
Ready to go home and pack
Leave town
What goes around
Come right back around
And I’m not sure I believe in karma
But we’ll see,
We’ll see
If and when I break
Now t’ain’t time to hesitate
Life is in front of me on a plate
Well, I’m hungry
And I am thirsty
I’m not fasting
But I’m ready to break
Need to lay down
Relax
Almost two in the a..
And I’m ready to start the day
Waitin’ for the sun to wake

Weary Eyed, Crazy Mind, Let Liars Lie, Go To Sleep (It’s Not Your Time) 

Close eyes
Lay back
Fall asleep
Repeat these words
Hopefully sleep will catch hold of me
I’ve experienced
All the night has to offer
I’ve slept in late
Woke long after my father goes home from worK
Is it worth it
Or am I just another
Problomatic motherfucker
Who can’t keep his head straight
So full of shit
I can’t take
No
I can’t take this
Gotta stop stayin’ out late
No more time to hesitate
Waiting for the day
Go to sleep
Oh, Raleigh please
It’s for your own good
Relaxe
Close your eyes
Fall asleep
Repeat
Wake
Toss and turn
It’s a big day
Raleigh, relax
Close your eyes
Fall asleep
Please
This is you
And I am me
Begging myself
To try and sleep
Swear I’m not crazy
Sleep deprivation
Too many energy drinks
After some cohesive thoughts
Lost the plot
Need some rest
Used to say I’ll sleep when I’m dead
But how far can you go?
Four hudnred miles from home
Followed only by insomnia
Oh, please
Go to sleep

Unreal.

I’m still writing, I have quite a bit of interesting thoughts and directions coming out in my moleskin notebook late at night, and hopefully sometime soon I will post them here, ad hopefully soon I will post my e-book of some recent works… I just need to finish editing it. What can I say, I’m lazy.

Godspeed y’all

I’ve been tired
So tired
It goes on and on for days
And months
And the years rack up
Leaving me with questions
Why aren’t you the one?
Your just like all the other ones
So I drown my doubts in sympathy
And I drink another bottke of your empathy
As long as these drinks keep coming
I will consume
Before I become consumed
But is it such a wrong thing to wonder
My feelings can’t be a blunder
You take my heart out of the blender
Just to put it back unintentionally
I’d hope that your the one
But I know your just like all the other ones
So this time am I going to stay or run?
Need to get out of this town
But I’m hoping for a better way
I don’t want to see you go that way
I’ll cry outside your door all night
Sleep in her arms all day
I wake up and the sun won’t shine its rays
It’s another rainy day
I slip on the sidewalks
And then I fall
I pick myself up
And watch you fall
Can’t help you back up
We fall apart
We fall together
Brothers and sisters
Of this fucked up world order
Your growing dissatisfaction with life
Is inevitable
So hope they’re the one
They can’t all be the same
Just have some fun
And at the end of the day we’ll sleep
And at the end of our lives we will sleep for good

We Sleep On Asphault At Night, To Feel Alive … And Wake Up Dead

I found letters
Typed out and formatted
On a screen in a computer lab
They said I’m sorry
And I said I’m sorry too
But no one really cares
We’re all dealing with our own shit
I swear to god I don’t know what love is anymore
Good thing I don’t need to break the news to you
But hey I want to believe
I really want to know what it means
I’m sorry I don’t know what I’m doing
You’d be sorry if you knew what you were doing to me
At least thats a belief I hold on to
You are a metaphore I cannot create
You are the dreamy feeling of when I wake
But you already know
And I’m not sure that it’s enough

I Should Be Laughing Right Now

I know that you are just another person
Another girl with a dream
But who knows what they want to be
When they are only nineteen?
Oh, I want to love you so much
But like I said I don’t know what that is
You ask and I will reply
And when the kids grow up
They will realize
It’s not all about the sex and drugs
And when we’re old enough with kids of our own
We’ll know what love is
But in this hell hole world
Pick and choose
Do they choose you
Or do you approve
Pick and choose
Your battles are not a part
Of your bruised and battered heart
We all have games we play
And we all hear the lies we say
The night is upon us
We wake to curse the day
I thirst for more
But, God, I will ignore
I am just another one
And you don’t know whats going on

Now Passing One AM

So who do you go to
When there is no one left to talk to
Where do you run
When your car is out of gas
You’re fed up
Swear to god you are done
And Where does all the pain come from
When you haven’t broken bones
You haven’t put your fist in walls
No, you haven’t even drawn blood
You wait
And you wait forever
And ever
And the preacher says amen
Can you look them in the eyes
And say you feel alive
Dead yet still hurting
With a fear of nothingness
Is it all that keeps you living
And who’s arms do you long for
Will they wipe away your tears
And when you cry are you ashamed
Even when alone
Crying out names
And no lover you wanted comes
You’ve waited so long
When you look back at your life
Do you feel so young?
Are your memories stacked in years
Or do you measure them in tears
What drugs are going to cover this up
Will it help you to get fucked up
When you’re already fucked up
You can drown yourself in alcohol
Or get lower with alot of downers
Or stay up all night waiting to come down
Until you are alone
Wishing for nothing but an end
But it never ends
You’ll always wake up tomorrow
Until you sleep forever
But what until then?
Everyone Who Lives Will Someday Die and Die Alone

Drink luke warm water
You’re restless
Can’t handle it anymore
Well at least your honest
Well, at least you wanted to come back
But you can’t move
And I can’t stop moving
So restless
So restless
Can’t handle it
Well another day will begin
When I can finally sleep again
Well I wanted to write an epic love poem
But I don’t know what love is at all
And I wanted to paint a masterpiece
But I have no muse
No arms to hold me when I can not sleep
This ttown is killing me
I screamed
Or maybe you said it too
Either way it was on both our minds
This town is ghost land
Not everyone is dead
But they are not far away
This town is taking away
All the good memories it once gave
Or are the good times killing me
Am I the one killing me?
Social suicide
Long depressive diatribes
Sleepless nights
And self medication with drugs and alcohol
Where are you going to go?
I know you want to run away
We should go there together
Before this town strips our hides and turns us into leather

Dark Matter On The Brain, Oh, Sunny Day!

We went the whole night without sleep
At least it was with me
Now I’m eight hours and forty minutes into this day
And I am so goddamn tired of it
Another monday I will soon forget
Well I hope so anyway
My eyes need to adjust
I got to get out on my own
I’ve got to get out of this town
I’ve got to wake up
Life is not a dream
It’s a lie we believe
It’s a travisty
But the sun has risen
A new day has begun
Opportunities are abounding
But I am unmotivated
And I am uninspired
And I am hating life
Such a bitter walking bruise
Angry and confused
Don’t get in my way
Waiting on phone calls all day
Where am I going anyway?
Drown me in sunlight
I will arise again someday
Smother me under the weight of my decisions
I will come back someday
But I will never say sorry
I can’t say sorry if I was not wrong
I may have not been right
But I fuck up all the way along
Get out
A new day has begun!

Borderline ( I Was Just Thinking )

Well you told me you feel the same
At least thats what I left the conversation with
Well the hours pass by
As I try to stare you in the eyes
While you were looking away
Seconds take forever
When theres nothing to say
Stale air
Echoing thoughts
Who wants to be alone
You said you would be coming home
Well mama I aint got no home no more
Am I disconnected
Did you find me before or after I crossed the borderline?
Well either way now is too late
We are running out of time
Just keep the blood in your head
Make sure it’s connected to your body
hear the words he said
Oh, lover, you should have come over…
Before it’s too late
Before one of us is dead
Cry for hours in your bed
Over words that no one has ever said
Well yo’ve got to stop all that thinking
Well at least you apologized
In your own way
And I gave you my heart
In my own fucked up way
It was made of paper-mache
Colored with pastels and hungn up on display
It just happens to have happened that way
It just had to be something I had to create
To replace what was torn from me
And I was just thinking
If you changed your mind
You’d probably be happier some of the time
Well I’d hope we could be happy all the time
But until then we’re felons
Just murdering time
Balancing on the borderline

In The End It’s All The Same 

You didn’t know who I was
And I didn’t know what to say
I don’t know who you are
‘Cause you’re hiding it inside
And you have no idea what I keep locked inside
Well lets have another drink
Can I get a smoke?
Have another drink
Give me a toke
Have another drink
Walk in traffic
I will lay on asphault
I will was off the scars with tears
I will hold your arms
Carress your skin
just let me in
let me in
We lie, we lie, we lie
Well you tried, you tried
We die, we die inside
But what else are we supposed to do
Thats life
Thats what we’re taught
So lets just keep it inside
Just another confused young mind

From my dirty mouth I’ll speak these words
About how it was when we were young
And with this plastic gun I’ll shoot everyone
Shoot the shit and you’ll get shot down
Burried alive
Like a ghost in the night
Haunt this town
Stay up ’till it’s light
Your friends caught you in a lie
Now you can’t look them in the eye
And they will shoot you down
You’ll be lookin’ up from hell
Sayin’ hell, this ain’t as bad as it ever was
Wake up
Hang out
Hungover
Forget what was said
Dream so heavy
Makes me feel like lead
Words leave your mouth
Get lost with the fuzz in my head
Fuzz in my head
Messed up memories of what was said
Oh, what was said?

They Didn’t Blow The Candels Out

I’m so tired
Some sort of sick of this pen
And the words that pour out
Some in anger
Fuel innjected with doubt
And my nose bleeds
My eyes leak
And honestly
I’m sick and tired of the same old jokes
I don’t need oxygen to breath
Take another toke
Smell all that candy
Oh, so, sweet
If only they’d sing lullabies for me
Insomniac
…But I love sleep
Heart attack
Can you breath?
I’m too young to know
Please blow a kiss before you go
I’ll walk around on broken eggshells
With broken toes
I’ve got no home
But some say I got hope

Four Psychics In A Car
I like the way you
You pay attention
But who cares about the details
We’ll sort it out
If we need to
But we don;t need to get this train derailed
In this material world
So far I think
I think I’ve failed
While you excell
But when I exhale
The smoke gets into your lungs
Into your lungs
You jump the gun
The night could have been more fun
But when you’re done, you’re done
And when you’re gone
I burn my lungs away

Attack, Attack, Sleep

Grab another pack
Some cancer and a heartattack
My lungs are black
Turned bitter and sour
As my nose bled red
But hey it ain’t so cold
Next time should I be so bold?
When asked
Should I unload?
Heartattack
Well why find out
Lets have a fire
And burn up all the misery
Kill stress
Kill time
Lose memory
What means anything
If you could you
You would
You
Why don’t they love me?

Would You Like Smiley Sauce With That?

I sleep light
In the dead of night
I don’t sleep
I don’t want to miss out on life
Well alright
Uh huh
Yeah
I’m alright
Uh huh
No
Idrive roads at night
The cargo is light
Except a heavy head
A head in need of a pillow and bed
No
A heart in need of healing
Will I wake up next to you tomorrow
Do I ask too many questions
Should I be shot down
Up here so high
Where humans dare not fly
How long can I last
I should be shot down
Spiral, fall, hit the ground
Shatter into a million pieces
No one can put me back together like I was
I wake up
Was it a dream
I roll off
The couch with a stiff back
I don’t remember coming home
Ah, fuck it, I guess I lost
Ah fuck
I miss you
Don’t know what to do

Well I woke up with a stiff back
Turned my head and said to you
Life is too damn hard
Woke up freezing again
Thinking, this ain’t my bed
I’m out of clothes
Washing stones
Uncover my feet and speak
Uncover your heart
And let me in
With some blind devotion
Put some hope into motion
Well, at least we can get warm
We’re always warm enough
Until we reach into the dark
As cars go by
The rain drops like dreams
Am I to high for my own good?
Am I on a pedistol?
Or am I just in hope of something better
A day away from yesterday
Preted it’s alright
And let me go
I won’t heal
if I don’t leave these wounds alone
Just think of all the places
And people I could learn to fall in love with
Maybe it ain’t that easy baby
Maybe you’ve got nothing to say that I ain’t heard before
But I could love y9ou so much
Do me a favor
Hold tight, get warm, don’t let passion die

Communications, Forget?

I wake up and you are there
I wake up and you are washing your hair
I wake up and y our putting on makeup
I wake up and fall to my death
Ask if you might drive me home
I’m happy to wake up here
i have no permanant home
I toss and turn in the night
I’m tired could you turn off the light
I want your lips against mine
And you don’t pull away
We could make so many exchanges
Words are just the begining
But what else do I need to know?
1 will…
2 will…
3.. please don’t let it go

4…

5…

6…

7…

8 will love you so much but do me a favor baby don’t reply because I can dish it out but I can’t take it

Well I have no secret
So I hope you’re dissapoint
The drunks are drunk
The highs get high
And the lows just get lower
Like some kind of balancing act
I am failing to save face
Tired and alone
With a little wine
And a high so low
I could no get much lower
If only I were broken
And I may be broken more than we know